Key Technical Matters
The toast should come early. Maybe it’s not the first thing, but it should happen near the beginning.
It’s OK to yell at people to get them to be quiet.Anyway, whatever follows “Shaddup!” will seem magnanimous by comparison.
You have to be standing up.
You have to hold your drink chest-high during the entire toast.
If, while holding your drink chest-high during the entire toast, your arm gets tired, then it’s probably time to wrapit up. Arm fatigue is a natural toast timer.
Stay in one place. Leave “working the room” to the motivational speakers.
Any sort of “traditional Irish toast” that you found on the internet is not recommended. Hearing “May neighbors respect you, trouble neglect you, angels … inspect you” (or whatever it is the angels do to you in that toast) is not all that inspiring or touching outside of a cozy pub in Campbelltown.
If your boss is in the room, do not poke fun at your boss during the toast.
If your boss is not in the room, do not poke fun at your boss during the toast.
If you are the boss, you may poke fun at yourself.
Do not use the term “poke fun” during a toast.
Or at any other time.
When in doubt, say: “Cheers to us and screw everybody else.” That always works.
A single word of guidance: pithy.
More at the source.